My 13 Learnings on Virtual Vipassana Retreat
The first weekend in February I participated in a virtual silent meditation retreat. While I’ve practiced meditation, and been on retreats before, I’ve never embarked on an experience this extensive—and it certainly was an experience!
Going into it I was a bit nervous, but also excited for the opportunity and challenge to dedicate time to be WITH my own awareness and experience (and without a lot of other things). The retreat spanned six full days with periods of still and moving meditation (both guided and self-practice), teaching in the Buddhist/Mindfulness tradition (no note taking!) with “Dharma talks” and small group meetings. Mindfulness was encouraged for all the in-betweens to establish a continuity of practice—eating, cleaning, preparing meals—ideally, everything in transition.
If you’re imagining a Zoom call with 80+ people video ON, but no actual talk or interaction in 20-45min. spurts you wouldn’t be far off—and it was weirdly magical!
I was able to practice the first few days of the retreat at home, with my partner taking on all the parenting and household duties. Then on the third day I moved my practice to more isolation. I stayed in the historic Mansion at the fabulous Allerton Park & Retreat Center in Monticello, IL. Both locations had their pros and cons, and I was reminded of the quote from Thich Nhat Hanh, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
In the spirit of Buddhist teachings, and many oral traditions, being offered in list form (and the room number I stayed in at Allerton!), I share these “13 Learnings from my Virtual Vipassana Retreat.” I call them learnings, not things I learned or was taught, because they are something that I’m sure I’ll need to keep realizing. Life is an active state, not something I’ve got figured out or just need taught once, but a practice (thankfully) to be continued…
Considering a silent meditation retreat? Or curious how it went? Here’s what I’m learning…
Inviting input. During the retreat we were encouraged to disconnect from things like email, social media, and unnecessary/impulse communications. This I was actually a little excited for and felt good about doing, and was reminded that I could anytime! (So if you see more social media breaks, or I don’t respond to your text right away hopefully I’m being in the moment). We were also limiting additional input ie. not reading (even other “spiritual” books), writing/journaling, or studying other teachings. This allowed us to keep a “continuity of practice” and presence. It was amazing to realize how often my eyes would gaze towards a book spine or food label and mindlessly go through the internal speech when really—did it matter what was in this yogurt, right now or can I simply be eating the yogurt? Listening to the dharma (teachings) directly from the teaching and perspective of the retreat teachers also helped the information soak in, to LIVE and learn it, not just study, memorize or feel like I had to write it all down.
Noble silence. This is a traditional practice on retreat where one is aware of the sound they are adding to the present space (hello, slammed cabinet and clinking dishes haha) and the key tenants of speaking being to 1. increase the understand of the dharma (teacher sharing, teacher/student asking questions), 2. reduce suffering of yourself or others 3. necessary communication (ie. kid logistics). I found myself exploring point two in regard to the kids, choosing not to shun them for a few days, but to really listen and speak mindfully. Talking that way with the kids reduced my suffering, too :)
Intentional speech. Another traditional teaching—is about what we say. Generally asking oneself, is what I’m about to say—true? useful? timely? And am I the one to say it? One teacher brought up the fake buddha quote, “are my words an improvement on silence?”Taking this measured approach to talking definitely made for a different experience than how I normally operate.
The Outdoors are always open. “…for going out, I found, was really going in.” - John Muir. During my time on retreat I was reminded the value of simply being in nature. And it doesn’t have to be a destination location like the mountains of Colorado or the beauty of Allerton park, the breeze in my own backyard can bring me into balance.
It’s OK to use a map. As I made the trek over to Allerton, I was feeling especially righteous and thought “I know how to get to Allerton, I don’t need my phone…I’ll even take the scenic route.” Well, as I got closer and closer to Bement, I realized, I actually had no idea where I was. Thus, turned to trusty Google Maps to find that I had overshot my intended location by about 10 miles, and needed to circle back. The lesson here, in my effort to be “so present” I missed out on the actual intention, I’m reminded it’s not just OK but WORTH IT to get guidance, to ask for help, and learn with a helping hand. The is the practice of sangha, or community, we don’t have to do it alone.
Meditation lying down still counts. Yes, and it took hearing the teacher saying it explicitly more than once before I let myself accept it. Sometimes I get too rigid in my practices, that it has to be 110% or look a certain way to be ‘real’ when in actuality there is a spectrum. In regards to meditation their ARE four traditional postures (seated, standing, walking, supine) and each has their place. Lying down IS the real and best version when our physical bodies need a break (hello, pregnancy!) or we’re needing to feel more supported. I now love this posture for Metta (loving-kindness) meditation.
I love my family. As much as I had the bit of desire to “be alone” and relish “time just for myself.” My heart did ache for the community I have cultivated at home and in my day-to-day life! This retreat reminded me how grateful I am for my family and friends, for the students, teachers, and people I get to come into contact with.
Mudita. English is a limited language, and I’m grateful to pick up sanskrit and pali words that don’t have direct translations. Mudita, one of the Four Immeasurables in Buddhism is the concept of appreciative joy, joy in others experiences and circumstances. A true selfless exuberance that helps me feel so connected to the whole. I’m grateful to have a word for this feeling, and something to keep aspiring towards when I feel envy, greed, jealousy and selfishness creep up.
I do chew loudly. Yep. And often find the creaky step, too. Spending time with just myself, I was hyper aware of my actions and contributions to the space around me. I can’t promise I’ll change all my mannerisms, but I am glad to have built a better understanding and awareness, and do so without judgment, thus building more compassion for myself and others. I believe people do things that make sense to them, and/or their senses aren’t attuned. I’m trying to be more in tune and not do things that are creating suffering, even in the little things like chip eating :)
Compassion is empathy with action. Part of the Mindfulness teachings includes another focus of meditation, Metta or Loving-kindness meditation is where you repeat a series of well-wishing phrases to oneself and others. This practice of compassion usually starts with the self, which sometimes is just as difficult as trying to wish well to an enemy! Building compassion, not just empathy, means I care AND I care about doing what I can to reduce suffering, too.
It’s hard to ask for what you want if you don’t know. It wasn’t all smooth going into and participating in the retreat, talking/not talking with people in the household was a challenge without set boundaries known by all parties. Part of this is level of preparedness, and part of it is simply ignorance. Cultivating compassion, for myself and others, was key. In addition, while I was virtually alone, I was reminded of the value of taking time to inquire within before replying to requests or taking on additional responsibilities.
Run when you’re running. Often times when I think of mindfulness, I go whoops—slow down! be present! And am a little bit self-self-depricating. During one walking meditation I was reminded that it’s not about the pace, but the skill present. If/when I more move quickly, be with that, too. One of the teachers said, something along the lines, “I’m not rushed, I’m rushing on purpose.” And I bet I’ll smile at that sentiment next time I am doing something quickly.
Integrate life with mindfulness. In the closing session there was a lot of talk about “re-integration” and how it may be challenging to go back to the pace and practicalities of regular life—some were feeling quite anxious about the shift. I was honest with myself that I obviously wouldn’t be putting as much time into formal meditation practice once I got back to my day-to-day. But I also knew I wanted to maintain my practice. One of the teachers said something along the lines of not fitting our practice into our life, but fitting our life with practice, and it stuck Mindfulness isn’t just the amount of time we put “tush on the cush” but how we bring the practice into our life and interactions.
In fullest of transparency, post retreat I did choose to go straight to a 200+ person gathering, then on my way home from said event walk right into a tree branch, but I know the mindfulness came though as I was able to smile in spite of it. With a week passed since retreat, I know my learnings aren’t just yearnings, but something I am integrating, moment by moment.
Lastly, MAJOR gratitude for those that helped make this possible, my awesome support network of my family (Todd and my parents for caring for the kiddos!), co-teachers for covering classes, students for encouraging me in my time away. And also thank you to the retreat host, One World Mindfulness, and Teachers, Genevieve Tregor, Leslie Booker & Howie Cohn, for creating a container for learning and sharing your practice.
This was of interest, but also a prerequisite for a two-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training Program (MMTCP) that I am officially beginning in March!
